Our Book of Scrap: Sports News

If you ever wanted to know about Scientology, Tom Cruise is here to help. And there's nothing crazy about it. Nothing at all. Ignore the fact that Cruise comes off as a complete lunatic. And be sure to watch this soon because the Scientologists have been having it taken down all over the Net today.

This hurts him more than it hurts me

2008-01-15T12:55:00.000-06:00

Watch as this high school basketball player throws down a dunk, gets undercut, then lands on his dome. Hilarity ensues.

H/T: We are the Postmen

You wish you had this dog

2008-01-15T11:37:00.000-06:00

All other dogs must now bow to this dog as it is the one and only Alpha dog.

H/T: Slam Dizzle

Igor Olshansky is an idiot

2008-01-15T09:52:00.000-06:00

Yeah, I'm back. We'll see how it goes.

First up, we have Chargers defensive lineman Igor Olshansky, who said this about the Patriots: "Seriously, I mean, they're more worried than we are, I promise you. Believe me. They know what's up."

By they know what's up, does he mean the chances of them giving the Chargers the asswhooping they so deserve because of Phil Rivers' douchiness?

H/T: The Sporting Blog

If you have enjoyed Our Book of Scrap...

2008-01-11T17:35:00.001-06:00

I think you will enjoy this site:

PROGRAM NOTE: LIVE-BLOG OF THE MAYWEATHER-HATTON FIGHT TONIGHT!

2007-12-08T20:36:00.001-06:00

In case you have not heard, "The future of fight sport journalism(TM)," The Prophet, will be Live-Blogging the battle of the undefeateds, Floyd Mayweather, Jr. and Ricky "The Hitman" Hatton, right here tonight around 9pm EST. So spend your $50 on booze and pizza instead of sending it to your cable/satellite provider and enjoy the fight with us tonight!

Check it out over at EpicCarnival.com...

Operations Temporarily Suspended

2007-11-04T21:03:00.001-06:00

Hey folks, I am going to have to take a little hiatus as my duties over at EpicCarnival.com are just eating up too much of my time to bring you the quality crap that you are used to seeing here. Please continue to visit Epic Carnival as I will be keeping up my usual quota of the stupid and the sexy over there for the time being.

And as my way of saying thanks for visiting lo these many times, here's how people on the Internet fool people much dumber than you and me into thinking they have just seen Scarlett Johansson naked. Enjoy the magic of Photoshop.

P.S. The Hottest Wife/Girlfriend in Sports Project will be moving over to E.C. I will update you here when that change takes place.

Toodles.

UPDATE: It's moved.

Me, Today

2007-11-02T10:27:00.000-05:00

My apologies.

The Constant Variety Of Sports: 16.7% Well-Timed

2007-11-01T15:27:00.000-05:00

Lance And Ashley Go Out For Date Number Two (ExpoSay)
Hollywood has a new odd couple.

Hingis says she's innocent after testing positive for cocaine at Wimbledon (AP)
Martina Hingis said Thursday she has been accused of testing positive for cocaine at Wimbledon, and then announced her retirement from professional tennis.

Coker, Bolden suspended (AP)
Tennessee tailback LaMarcus Coker and defensive tackle Demonte Bolden will miss the game against Louisiana-Lafayette on Saturday because of a violation of team rules.

Kitna regrets costume scrutiny (AP)
Jon Kitna and his wife dressed up as a naked man and a fast-food drive-through attendant at a teammate's Halloween party, depicting an embarrassing moment for one of the team's assistant coaches.

Tocchet's ban for role in illegal gambling ring extended (AP)
Rick Tocchet's role in an illegal gambling ring will keep him out of the NHL until at least next February.

China simulates terrorism attack ahead of Games (Reuters)
Security services have carried out an anti-terrorism drill at a key port outside the Chinese city of Shanghai to test preparedness ahead of the 2008 Beijing Olympics.

The Red Sox Really Overcame The Odds

2007-11-01T13:48:00.000-05:00

Since we're on the subject of the Red Sox, we ran across this beautifully crafted retrospective of the Red Sox of 2007 and found it very interesting. It really is amazing that such an underdog team went on to become the World Series champions.

Jonathan Papelbon Visited Dave

2007-11-01T13:33:00.000-05:00

Red Sox closer Jonathan Papelbon was on Letterman last night and was actually pretty dang entertaining. The ~~Riverdance~~ "I'm Shipping Up to Boston" by the Dropkick Murphys musical intro was a nice touch.

The Real Reason Beckham Signed With The Galaxy

2007-11-01T12:35:00.000-05:00

We all know that David Beckham didn't come to America just to play soccer. He came to give his wife's career a boost (so far not so good on that front), to dabble in some fashion projects, and to make a movie? Yep, make a movie. Beckham is set to make a flick with none other than that legendary film producer, Snoop Dogg.

The pair - who have been firm friends for years and have frequently partied in Los Angeles since David moved there this summer - are hoping to finance their own big screen project.

Snoop said, "David and I go back years. No one would have thought me and my boy David would have anything in common because we come from such separate worlds.

"But he has the dollars at his disposal and we're talking about putting our money together to do a movie. It's incredibly exciting."

Snoop and Becks do have a lot in common. They both have more money than God, and ... uh ... like chicks with fake boobs?

The 36-year-old rapper also revealed they are considering launching a fashion line together...

See, Galaxy fans! This is all working out just fine ... for Beckham.

(ExpoSay)

Good Stuff ...

2007-11-01T11:51:00.000-05:00

Agency Head Likes Photographing Maria Sharapova’s Crotch (Larry Brown Sports)
This creep is apparently notorious for his womanizing ways.

Blogger Interviews: JoeSportsFan (The Big Picture)
Matt Sebek is one of the great minds behind the wildly-hilarious JoeSportsFan.

California high school football, now more corrupt than its Texas counterpart (100% Injury Rate)
Stockton's Franklin High School in California was banned from playing any games until 2010.

List Of Every NBA Team's Slogan For The 2007-2008 (Awful Announcing)
Some are a little bland so he added his own.

The All-Eva Longoria Team (The Angry T)
The camera panned to Eva several hundred times during the Spurs/Trailblazers game.

DOC BROWN'S IMMINENT LUMINARIES: WILL HILL (Epic Carnival)
Today we are taking a long look at Will Hill out of Jersey City.

How Exactly Does The NBA Suspend An Owner?

2007-11-01T11:26:00.000-05:00

As you may recall, Dr. Jerry Buss, owner of the Lakers was busted for driving under the influence in the off-season. Not to mention, busted with a young hottie in the car ... yowza. The NBA didn't think this was such a great thing so they suspended him. How you suspend and owner is a concept I don't quite understand, but that's what they did.

Lakers owner Jerry Buss has been suspended for two games and fined $25,000 by NBA commissioner David Stern in conjunction with Buss' conviction on a misdemeanor drunk driving charge.

Buss was not at Staples Center when the Lakers opened their season with a 95-93 loss to the Houston Rockets on Tuesday. He will finish the suspension by missing Los Angeles' game in Phoenix on Friday night.

So he can't attend the game? That's the punishment? Oh, man. I bet he NEVER drinks and drives again because of that! Watching it on TV while your GM and coach run the team must have been brutal.

(AP)

Eddie Jordan Loves His T-Shirt Gun

2007-11-01T08:18:00.000-05:00

In one of the more clever local NBA-related ads I have seen, Eddie Jordan does a spot for a car dealer. And his use of the t-shirt gun is inspiring. (Video courtesy Pop Jocks)

The Constant Variety Of Sports: 60% Drug-Tested

2007-10-31T15:27:00.000-05:00

Report: Teams get notice before drug testing of players (ESPN)
Baseball teams regularly receive up to nearly two days' notice before drug testing of players. Officials of home teams are notified in advance to leave stadium and parking passes for the testers.

Jags' Stroud faces suspension for violating NFL steroids policy (ESPN)
Jaguars defensive tackle Marcus Stroud is facing a four-game suspension, which could start as early as this weekend, for a violation of the NFL steroids and related substances policy.

Cameron suspended after drug test (AP)
Mike Cameron, the Padres' Gold Glove center fielder, was suspended for the first 25 games of next season on Wednesday after testing positive a second time for a banned stimulant.

Hawaii reserve RB kicked off team (AP)
Hawaii reserve running back Mario Cox has been dismissed from the team. Coach June Jones would not say why the 5-foot-11, 250-pound sophomore was kicked off the team.

Marketer files lawsuit against Bush (AP)
A sports marketer has filed a lawsuit against former Southern California running back Reggie Bush and his parents that seeks to recoup nearly $300,000 in cash and gifts they allegedly accepted from him during Bush's sophomore and junior seasons.

Soccer Analysis And Commentary Is Best With Bikini-Clad Women

2007-10-31T14:43:00.000-05:00

No idea what's going on here and it doesn't really matter. Maybe they are telling us Happy Halloween! The bikini girls doing jumping jacks is the best part I think. (Video courtesy The Offside)

Penn State Fans Are Very Friendly

2007-10-31T14:08:00.000-05:00

Who says you can't wear your Ohio State gear to a Penn State game? Oh yeah, these people ... who throw beer and other random objects at passersby in Ohio State gear. (Video courtesy Big Ten Tailgate)

UPDATE: Spokeswoman Annemarie Mountz says Penn State is "saddened" over the video and says it's not what the university is all about. University police are investigating. (AP)

Lighten up, Annemarie.

Bill Belichick Also Apparently Coaches High School Football In Kansas

2007-10-31T13:15:00.000-05:00

If you think playing against the Patriots is bad, try taking your high school football team to Smith Center, Kansas sometime.

Smith Center scored 72 points in the first quarter of a high school football game Tuesday night on the way to an 86-0 win over Plainville.

Smith Center forced six turnovers in the first quarter as it racked up what is believed to be a record for points in a quarter by a high school team, the paper reported. The previous record was 66 by Prescott, Ariz., in 1925.

It was nice of them to call off the dogs after scoring just 72 in the first quarter. But really what were they supposed to do? Start kneeling down in the first quarter? Put the cheerleaders in on offense? By the way, you just know these boys are gettin' laid.

By the way, they have outscored their opponents 640-0 this season. I think it's time for them to play the Patriots.

(AP)

Good Stuff ...

2007-10-31T11:58:00.000-05:00

FACEBOOK FOOLS (Epic Carnival)
Social Network sites are back messing up the college football world.

Nude Pics Could Cost Former NFL Player Tyrone Hughes His Job as School Hall Monitor (The FanHouse)
He's in danger of losing that job because he had two nude pictures stored on his cell phone.

Scott Proctor's arm flees L.A. upon hearing Torre rumors (The Sports Hernia)
The whereabouts of Proctor's arm is currently unknown.

Memo to "Memo to:" go away (Pacifist Viking)
The cliche of the moment that is all over English writing.

Devin Hester as Mona Lisa (100% Injury Rate)
You know you've made it when someone does a full-scale painting of you.

Conan Propositions Barkley To Use “Jub Jub” (Jen's Free Throws)
He is going to donate $2,000 to Charles Barkley’s charity of choice.

Get A Tight End

2007-10-31T10:50:00.000-05:00

Two lovely ladies dressed up as Tom Brady (it's Halloween after all!) will now show you how to get a tight end through exercise. Simple concept, executed to perfection. (Video courtesy The FanHouse)

Kids Football Coaches Have Great Perspective

2007-10-31T09:42:00.001-05:00

Yet another pee-wee football coach is in trouble. This time for allegedly attacking one of his players. Did we mention the player is 12-years old?

“I was in pain and I was shocked,” 12-year-old Ryan Mullarney said.

This, after his assistant football coach allegedly attacked him after a play.

Cudahy Middle School’s Assistant Football Coach Michael Crawley is suspended after allegedly attacking Mullarney.

Did we mention the kid weighs 85 pounds?

Authorities say Crawley was upset when his own son got injured during a scrimmage. He then allegedly attacked Mullarney, body slamming him to the turf.

“The sixth grade coach came at me, swearing, and he picked me up by my facemask, spun me in the air and slammed me on the ground,” Ryan Mullarney said.

Yeah, that's normal.

Once again, I call for unusual and extremely cruel punishment for people like this. Any suggestions?

(TMJ4)

Golden State Starts Things Off Right

2007-10-31T08:36:00.000-05:00

At least until the game was played, that is. Check out the coolest intro of opening night in the NBA. (Video courtesy FanIQ Sports Blog)

Jimmy The Bad Fantasy Football Comeback Guy

2007-10-30T15:23:00.000-05:00

Someone kindly sent me this video and since I have no free time today, this is what you're gonna get. We all know a guy who no matter what you say about his fantasy football team, always has a comeback, and it's usually bad. Well, this is that guy.

Hopefully I will be back in the swing tomorrow. Toodles.

Me, Today

2007-10-30T11:23:00.001-05:00

My apologies.

The Constant Variety Of Sports: 16.7% Mooned

2007-10-29T15:27:00.000-05:00

103 hamburgers in 8 minutes (AP)
Joey Chestnut surpassed the previous record of 97 Krystal burgers - 2 1/2 inches square - held by Japan's Takeru Kobayashi, set at last year's Krystal Square Off.

Soccer Coach Suspended For "Mooning" Opposing Team (FOX)
Deputies learned that the game had become heated and erupted into several arguments, after which the Petaluma team's coach walked to the center of the field and allegedly exposed his rear to the opposing team, according to the sheriff's office.

The nanny and the coach's wife launch an attack (Oregonian)
She leaned in, grabbed by my suit lapel, and lit into me with a string of expletives, asking me if I have children, and telling me, "This is going to come back on you tenfold."

37 arrested at World Series celebrations (AP)
After police told a large crowd to leave, several officers were struck by rocks and bottles. Sixteen cars in one area were vandalized.

Ole Miss suspends SEC sacks leader Hardy indefinitely (AP)
Mississippi coach Ed Orgeron said the suspension is indefinite and offered few details, though he did say later that the Southeastern Conference's sack leader was not in legal trouble.

Nedney apologizes for flicking fans "the bird" (Yahoo!/Mercury News)
Joe Nedney was showered with boos and catcalls after sending a 49ers kickoff out of bounds during a 31-10 loss to the Saints. The kicker star responded with an obscene gesture, rubbing the back of his head while showing an extended middle finger toward the crowd.

The T-Wolves Have Replaced Kevin Garnett With A Midget

2007-10-29T14:45:00.000-05:00

Tom Brady Also Threw This Guy A Touchdown Pass Yesterday

2007-10-29T14:04:00.000-05:00

Some dude went to the Dolphins-Giants game in London yesterday and ran around on the field. Naked. With a football over his thing. And danced a jig. And threw for more yards than Eli Manning. Enjoy. (Video courtesy Pop Jocks)

The Cowboys Will Not Make The Super Bowl

2007-10-29T12:49:00.000-05:00

How do we know this? Because Tony Romo was spotted hanging out with Britney Spears.

After a long court hearing for her custody battle on Friday, Britney Spears hit the town with her longtime friend Alli Sims �� and Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo.

The pop star, dressed in a masquerade ball mask, and Sims, first made a quick stop at the L.A. restaurant Ketchup where Romo was having dinner.

"[Spears] walked around the restaurant into the lounge where she met up with some people," an observer tells PEOPLE. "She didn't eat or drink ...[It] seemed like she was rounding up people to go [out]. She was very friendly and smiley, in and out."

Another source says, "Alli was meeting up with Tony and his friends at Ketchup and Britney wanted to come along. Tony and Alli have been good friends. They've known each other for a little over a year. "

Now we're not saying that Romo is due for a prescription of Valtrex yet. He has been rumored to be seeing Sophia Bush and all. But what this does tell us is that Romo's judgment must now be brought into question and that the Cowboys are now a part of the Britney career-killer curse. The only solution is for Romo to videotape himself having sex with Sophia and send it out for the ~~blogging~~ public to view. It's really the only way I see the Cowboys season being saved at this point.

(People)

Your David Beckham Moment

2007-10-29T12:47:00.001-05:00

Good Stuff ...

2007-10-29T11:51:00.000-05:00

Why the Red Sox Swept the Rockies (Jack's Sports Humor)
The sweep enabled the Rockies to finish their season on an amazing 21-5 run.

Hero of the Day: Theo Epstein (The FanHouse)
The Boston Red Sox are built just as much for the next five years as they were built for 2007.

Well, That Was Anti-Climactic (DOTD)
I honestly thought the Colorado Rockies had a shot in this series.

Twice As Nice (One More Dying Quail)
When Red Sox fan's sons ask, "Dad, tell me about the Red Sox team that won the World Series," they can look at them and legitimately ask, "Which one?"

Still Speechless (Six Pack Sports Report)
This Red Sox team is much more dangerous then the one we celebrated with in 2004.

There's Always Next Year... (Babes Love Baseball)
Here it is in pictures: the Colorado Rockies monumental collapse.

Red Sox Sweep the Rockies: I, for One, Am Glad It��s Over (Sports On My Mind)
I am extremely happy the Colorado Christians, I mean Rockies, were swept by the Boston Red Sox.

TOP 10 CONCLUSIONS FROM THE RED SOX SWEEP OF THE ROCKIES (Epic Carnival)
9. Winning 20 out of 21 against National League opponents may not count as much as beating real teams.

Julie Chen Is A Busted Fem-bot

2007-10-29T11:14:00.000-05:00

I have to admit that I actually watched the first season of Big Brother. It was a unique concept that has since been buried into the ground. I haven't seen an episode since that first season, but it doesn't take much to bring those memories back. Like this video, for instance.

So, to steal a line from FARK, "How do you usually enter a room, Julie?"

Mike Tyson's Brunch Out!

2007-10-29T10:31:00.000-05:00

Enough with the Red Sox for now. Time for a little boxing/video game fun. What happens when the hipster brunch scene meets the 8-bit Nintendo rage of boxing icon Mike Tyson? This I guess. Would you like some ketchup with that ear, Mr. Tyson? (Video courtesy Simon On Sports - maybe NSFW)

Oh Man, Not Another Mientkiewicz Situation

2007-10-29T09:24:00.000-05:00

Actually, no. Jason Varitek has said that he intends to give the ball to the Red Sox. Plus, Varitek isn't a free agent so they know where to find him next year.

"I'll give it back to the team," the Red Sox captain said after the 4-3 victory over Colorado on Sunday night that gave Boston a sweep of the Series. "Maybe we won't have a controversy this time."

Red Sox president Larry Lucchino said the team was prepared for this clincher.

"We have a club archivist who should be in here, should have retrieved it already," Lucchino said in the middle of the celebration in the visiting clubhouse in Coors Field. "An archivist made an effort the last time, unsuccessfully. But I'm sure we'll be more successful."

Mientkiewicz said he went "through hell and back" as a result of keeping the ball last time. Varitek appears to be in for no such treatment.

(AP)

(HT: The FanHouse)

And If You Hate The Red Sox ...

2007-10-29T08:38:00.000-05:00

Chew on this picture awhile. It'll make you feel much better.

Congratulations, Boston

2007-10-29T08:06:00.000-05:00

As a White Sox fan I know what you went through in 2004. I felt that we had something in common in 2005. Now, once again, we are separated. Props to you.

WORLD SERIES LIVE BLOG GAME 4

2007-10-28T19:45:00.000-05:00

EpicCarnival.com is live-blogging the World Series again tonight.
Stop on by! It'll probably be the last baseball game of 2007.

WORLD SERIES LIVE BLOG GAME 3

2007-10-27T17:16:00.000-05:00

Over at Epic Carnival I am doing the live-blog of Game 3. Come by and say howdy.

(I'll have pics of hot chicks too.)

The Constant Variety Of Sports: 20.0% Slacking

2007-10-26T15:29:00.000-05:00

Davydenko says warning for not trying 'outrageous' (ESPN)
Nikolay Davydenko, already at the center of a betting investigation, was fined $2,000 for lack of effort a loss at the St. Petersburg Open.

2 Coaches Fight, Expelled From League (KPHO)
A fight caught on surveillance tape between a pair of coaches in a youth football league heated up when it spilled from the field into a parking lot and one of the coaches' family members became involved.

Three Spartans charged with robbery (AP)
Starting linebacker SirDarean Adams, starting cornerback T.J. Williams and one other Michigan State football player have been charged with unarmed robbery stemming from an April incident in the parking lot of a store.

Arkansas loses two track and field titles; sprinter Gay linked to probe (AP)
Arkansas' renowned track and field program lost two national championships Thursday when the NCAA imposed stiff sanctions for violations involving sprint star Tyson Gay and a former assistant coach.

Fighting Sioux name lawsuit settled (AP)
The state Board of Higher Education settled a lawsuit with the NCAA over the University of North Dakota Fighting Sioux nickname, giving the school three years to get tribal approval to keep it.

Joe Buck Is A Really Good Sports Television Announcer

2007-10-26T14:08:00.000-05:00

This video will show you just how dynamic some of the greatest moments in sports COULD have been called if only master wordsmith Joe Buck would have had the call instead of those lame guys like Al Michaels and Howard Cosell.

Great ... Now Michael Vick Is Hurting Horses

2007-10-26T13:18:00.001-05:00

Forbes Richest Athletes (aka People I Hate)

2007-10-26T12:55:00.000-05:00

Forbes recently came out with their list of the World's 25 Top-Earning Athletes. I'll give you three guesses who is #1? And no, it's not David Beckham. Although we wish it were. He is so dreamy.

#1 Tiger Woods $100 million
Rich, hot wife, best at his sport. God is jealous.

#2 Oscar De La Hoya $43 million
Rich, hot wife, dresses like a tranny. Satan is jealous.

#3 Phil Mickelson $42.2 million
Rich, hot wife, has man-boobs. Tom Cruise is jealous.

#4 Kimi Raikkonen $40 million
#5 Michael Schumacher $36 million
Why is NASCAR the place to be again?

#6 David Beckham $33 million
Rich, alien/robot wife, hardly plays. I am jealous.

#7 Kobe Bryant $32.9 million
#8 Shaquille O'Neal $31.9 million
Kobe finally beats Shaq.

#9T Michael Jordan $31 million
I really need to get my kids more interested in basketball.

#9T Ronaldhino $31 million
Or soccer.

#11 Valentino Rossi $30 million
Yeah, NASCAR, that's the place to race.

#12 Alex Rodriguez $29.2 million
And he is supposed to make more next year?

#13 Roger Federer $29 million
#14 Derek Jeter $28.3 million
#15 LeBron James $27.3 million

For the rest, click here. #25 is my favorite.

I Think That Maybe This Guy Is Bitter

2007-10-26T11:48:00.001-05:00

We've all been there. Broken up with our girlfriend (the slut) and been really pissed off (bitch). So what's a guy to do? And what if she left a bunch of her crap at your abode? Do you return it to her personally? Do you have a friend do it? Or do you put it on eBay and totally say sh*t about her to the world?

Option 3 (verbatim):

The auction is for a Dell Latitude D600. 60GB HD, 1 GB memory, Dual Band Wi-Fi, Very light scratches on the top, Screen is scratch free and shows up crystal clear. She took good care of the laptop. It has all the newest updates, and comes with office, Roxio and other programs. Just an all around good laptop to have. I bought this as a gift for my ex.

What is included in winning this auction is not only the laptop, but also everything else she left. Right now it is the laptop, the bag some cables, the power supply, some personal items, sunglasses, clothes and a book "the story of O". I will be cleaning my place this weekend so the bounty will grow.

This is the last of the crap my ex girlfriend has left at my place. She left me for an older guy she met on dumm dum duuu...my space. A 30 year old guy on MySpace hitting on 21 yr old woman. Whatever, hey props to him for being able to pull it off.
I figure what more fitting way to totally get rid of her then online.

I met this wonderful pain in my ass from a friend of mine (who I haven��t talked to since). It was his niece, and she had just moved out here from Kansas. At first glance she seemed perfect. She played guitar, was gorgeous, and was a monster in the sac.
The only glaring issue is that she smoked weed. A LOT. Every day.

She could cause her uncle, my friend, was pretty well off and paid for her. She had a hell of a deal, go out with me, get treated, go back to her uncle��s house, and get treated.
As time went on I found myself spending more and more on this chick and getting less and less, umm "return". After a month long dry spell I figured something was up and began paying more attention to what she was doing.
One day she said she was going shipping then out with some friends and would be home late, probably getting baked. As soon as she,
I spent the next ten minutes going over her computer looking for emails and passwords. She left all her info in a notepad in her my docs. I started rummaging around her yahoo account and came upon some emails from "Jeff". I knew most of her friends and this one was new.
Reading them it came clear this was the dick doing my girl.
So I signed in as her to yahoo and no joke within 30 seconds I got an IM from Dick.... I mean Jeff, asking if she was still up to meet at the mall.
I went red with anger, but then calmed down and thought this is her screw up not his. So I made a deal with the devil.
Seeing that sex had gone out the window a month ago (seriously from once or twice a day to nothing) I figured if I could get any neither should he. I started chatting with him but at the end I said
" I would love to do anal tonight, but I don't like it slow, when you have me doggy style, just go for it. I will be ready all night"
He replied with a simple OK. I then said, as her, I am heading out the door now.

No surprise, she came home early, around midnight slamming the door on her way in. I hear some noise in the living room, the laptop slamming shut, and zippers opening. I came out from my bedroom and asked her what��s wrong?

Her rant consisted of maybe 3 non obscene words, so I don't think eBay would let me print them. I did catch " you told him to butt **** me! How dare you invade my privacy?" She was so pissed she grabbed her overnight bag, leaving her laptop.

That was 2 months ago and she hasn't been back since. So that is why I am selling her laptop.

I would like to get at least 400 buck to recoup all the money I spent on her. Women should come with a refund option............

Of course, he is now getting requests for a picture of her. Guys are so lame.

(HT: like seriously wtf?!)

Good Stuff ...

2007-10-26T11:16:00.000-05:00

THE MAIN ATTRACTION: THE NIGHTMARE WAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS AND OTHER NFL MIDWAY MOVIES (Epic Carnival)
All 32 NFL teams as movies. My favorite: the Atlanta Falcons are Cujo.

Reardon Off the Hook (Babes Love Baseball)
Former big league reliever turned unprofessional thief, Jeff Reardon, was released from court supervision Thursday.

Shawn Chambers: The Worst Player in Sports Video Game History? (The FanHouse)
He was amazingly was awarded a "one" overall rating in NHL '93.

The Greatest Papelbon Story Ever Told (Roto-World)
The Sox bullpen loves them some nudie pics.

Introducing the Larry Holmes GrillMaster XL! (Cracked)
"And you can take that to the LAKE!"

Curt Schilling Pitches Himself into the Hall (Sports On My Mind)
If postseason pitching is taken into account, Schilling is one of the greatest pitchers of all time.

F*ck Boston, Part Deux (The Big Picture)
Game 2 can go eat an a**hole.

Best College Football Tailgates (CO-ED Magazine)
Some consider the college football tailgate, a hobby - yet others, an art form.

Jimmy Kimmel Has Some Advice For Red Sox Nation

2007-10-26T10:32:00.000-05:00

Jimmy Kimmel had a PSA on his show the other night, which I am sure you have already seen, because doesn't everyone in America watch his show? No? Really? Hmmm. Well, you should really watch this, especially if you are a Red Sox fan. (Video courtesy Home Run Derby and Red Sox Monster who held a death-match to see who could get it in my Inbox first.)

What 8-Year Old Doesn't Want Some Hot Wheels?

2007-10-26T10:13:00.000-05:00

Hell, I might go out and buy a few myself today after seeing this.

(HT: College Humor)

HOCKEY FIGHT!

2007-10-26T09:48:00.000-05:00

Zdeno Chara frightens me. Especially after this video in which he nearly decapitates David Koci. You know if there was a fight like this, say twice a period, I might watch hockey again. (Video courtesy Larry Brown Sports)

Finally A Job For Me

2007-10-26T08:59:00.000-05:00

According to CO-ED Magazine, my calling has finally been answered. Durex is looking for condom testers.

After logging on to their new website, all you have to do is fill out a one page form, click to send it in, and then wait to see if you��re one of the ��1000 lucky men and lady folk�� who will become ��official Durex condom testers�� and ��get a bunch of free Durex products.��

I hope they are well-stocked with EXTRA large and durable condoms, because I wouldn't want the company to go broke because of my skillz.

On the plus side, these new condoms should work really well with my condom applying device.

Brady Quinn In A Trojans Jersey

2007-10-26T08:29:00.000-05:00

I'm not a gambling expert but even I knew that it was a pretty good chance he was going to lose a Notre Dame vs. USC bet. (Video courtesy Irish Trojan in Tennessee)

Sick Day

2007-10-25T10:43:00.000-05:00

Sorry, but I am not feeling up to snuff enough to post anymore today. This is really hard work, you know. Hopefully I will feel better tomorrow. Until then, click on over to EC where there will be new stuff all day to keep you from getting any work done. Later, peeps.

Oh yeah, they are also going to be LIVE-BLOGGING THE WORLD SERIES TONIGHT, so check that out too.

LSU Fans Are Great

2007-10-25T09:29:00.000-05:00

This LSU fan is, uh, passionate. At the rate he is going with his fandom, either he A) will die of a heart attack before bowl season, or B) actually kill someone as a result of his pent-up anger. NSFW due to the numerous F-bombs and the fact that your boss might wonder why you want to "rip his neck off." (Video courtesy Big Ten Tailgate)

The Constant Variety Of Sports: 20.0% In Need Of GPS

2007-10-24T15:39:00.000-05:00

Simpson, three others now face 12 charges in robbery case (AP)
New charges of felony coercion were filed Wednesday against O.J. Simpson and three co-defendants in the alleged armed robbery of two sports memorabilia dealers.

Doomed runner was six blocks from hospital (AP)
The ambulance crew who picked up a dying runner during the Chicago Marathon apparently got lost on the way to a hospital, authorities said.

Soccer mom charged in assault on coach (Newsday)
An East Rockaway soccer mom angered over being dropped from the team e-mailing list for game-day directions was arrested after slamming a metal folding chair across the face of her daughter's coach.

McLaren told to pay over $50 million to FIA (Reuters)
McLaren will have to pay over $50 million to the International Automobile Federation (FIA), which will use the money to promote safer motorsport worldwide.

Agassi hot over Target sandal sales (AP)
Lawyers for retired tennis star Andre Agassi sought a preliminary injunction from a federal judge Tuesday, alleging that Target Corp. stores continued selling sandals bearing his name without his permission.

Your David Beckham Moment

2007-10-24T14:38:00.001-05:00

Candice Michelle Hits Her Head Real Hard

2007-10-24T14:27:00.000-05:00

Candice Michelle, who you may know from the GoDaddy.com commercials, is also a WWE wrestler ... at least she was. Monday night she took a major header off the top rope and broke her collarbone. Some have speculated that the WWE doesn't care about their wrestlers. I am speculating that she will need me to be there for her as she endures her recovery. As in right by her side, all the time. I mean, how else is she supposed to bathe herself? (Video courtesy The FanHouse)

Steelers Fans Are Great

2007-10-24T13:40:00.000-05:00

Watch this video of a Steelers fan (complete with pierogies and Jack) and tell me she wasn't one of those ~~psychopaths~~ fans who held vigil around Big Ben's hospital after his motorcycle crash. (Video courtesy First and 10 Inches)

The Hottest Wife/Girlfriend in Sports: Title Defense #3

2007-10-24T13:02:00.000-05:00

Once again, our Hottest Champion, Ingrid Vandebosch fought off another pretender to the throne in defeating Andrei Arlovski's girl Patricia Mikula 75% to 25%. This moves Ingrid to a ridiculous record of 8-0 with 7 KO's.

The next challenger to Ingrid's throne is the "rumored" new girlfriend of Cowboys QB Tony Romo, Sophia Bush. Is she up to the challenge or will she just be another victim?

POLL CLOSED
Results - 447 votes
Ingrid Vandebosch (Jeff Gordon): 61% (9-0, 8 KO's)
Sophia Bush (Tony Romo): 39%

CLICK HERE TO VOTE ON INGRID'S NEXT TITLE DEFENSE.

Previous title defenses:
(C) Ingrid Vandebosch def. Patricia Mikula 75% to 25% (KO).
(C) Ingrid Vandebosch def. Christy Cooley 60% to 40% (TKO).

TOURNAMENT RESULTS:
1) Ingrid Vandebosch (Jeff Gordon) THE HOTTEST!
2) Gisele Bundchen (Tom Brady) [TKO] Semis: #17 C. DeCesare 69% to 31%
3) Elin Nordegren (Tiger Woods) [KO] Rd. 3: #19 J. Walcott 73% to 27%
4) Ashley Judd (Dario Franchitti) [TKO] Rd. 2: #27 C. Tweedy 65% to 35%
5) Willa Ford (Mike Modano) [TKO] Semis: #16 E. Cuthbert 55% to 45%
6) Lisa Dergan (Scott Podsednik) [TKO] Rd. 3: #17 C. DeCesare 61% to 39%
7) Jodi Ann Paterson (Michael Andretti) [TKO] Rd. 2: #21 G. Atkinson 59% to 41%
8) Kim Kardashian (Reggie Bush) [TKO] Rd. 1: #41 C. Zucker 56% to 44%
9) Alicia Rickter (Mike Piazza) [TKO] Rd. 2: #19 J. Walcott 68% to 32%
10) Julia Tomko (Brett) [DEC] Rd. 2: #18 L. Cover 53% to 47%
11) Jennifer Scholle (James Blake) [DEC] Rd. 2: #17 C. DeCesare 51% to 49%
12) Carrie Underwood (Tony Romo) [TKO] Rd. 2: #16 E. Cuthbert 69% to 31%
13) Abigail Clancy (Peter Crouch) [TKO] Rd. 1: #36 L. Posada 59% to 41%
14) Bec Cartwright (Lleyton Hewitt) [KO] Rd. 3: #16 E. Cuthbert 80% to 20%
15) Eva Longoria (Tony Parker) [DEC] Rd. 2: #14 B. Cartwright 51% to 49%
16) Elisha Cuthbert (Sean Avery) [TKO] Finals: #1 I. Vandebosch 61% to 14%
17) Carmella DeCesare (Jeff Garcia) [TKO] Finals: #1 I. Vandebosch 61% to 25%
18) Laura Cover (Aaron Boone) [TKO] Rd. 3: #5 W. Ford 66% to 34%
19) Jennifer Walcott (Adam Archuleta) [DEC] Semis: #1 I. Vandebosch 51 to 49%
20) Tamia Hill (Grant) [KO] Rd. 1: #29 A. Benson 78% to 22%
21) Gemma Atkinson (Cristiano Ronaldo) [TKO] Rd. 3: #2 G. Bundchen 55% to 45%
22) Victoria Beckham (David) [DEC] Rd. 1: #27 C. Tweedy 54% to 46%
23) Aleka Kamila (Peja Stojakovic) [TKO] Rd. 2: #6 L. Dergan 66% to 34%
24) Angie Harmon (Jason Sehorn) [TKO] Rd. 1: #25 C. Cameron 59% to 41%
25) Candace Cameron (Valeri Bure) [KO] Rd. 2: #5 W. Ford 71% to 29%
26) Melanie Slade (Theo Walcott) [DEC] Rd. 1: #23 A. Kamila 52% to 48%
27) Cheryl Tweedy (Ashley Cole) [TKO] Rd. 3: #1 I. Vandebosch 57% to 43%
28) Pilar Sanders (Deion) [KO] Rd. 1: #21 D. Gamba 89% to 11%
29) Anna Benson (Kris) [KO] Rd. 2: #3 E. Nordegren 82 to 18%
30) Amy Mickelson (Phil) [KO] Rd. 1: #19 J. Walcott 82% to 18%
31) Danielle Lloyd (Teddy Sheringham) [DEC] Rd. 1: #18 L. Cover 51% to 49%
32) Lisa Guerrero (Scott Erickson) [KO] Rd. 1: #17 C. DeCesare 78% to 22%
33) Heather Mitts (A.J. Feeley) [KO] Rd. 1: #16 E. Cuthbert 80% to 20%
34) Yeliz Okur (Mehmet) [KO] Rd. 1: #15 E. Longoria 75% to 25%
35) Vanessa Bryant (Kobe) [DEC] Rd. 1: #14 B. Cartwright 52% to 48%
36) Laura Posada (Jorge) [TKO] Rd. 2: #2 G. Bundchen 65% to 35%
37) Millie De La Hoya (Oscar) [TKO] Rd. 1: #12 C. Underwood 68% to 32%
38) Heather Dickau (Dan) [TKO] Rd. 1: #11 J. Scholle 62% to 38%
39) Gabrielle Reece (Laird Hamilton) [KO] Rd. 1: #10 J. Tomko 71% to 29%
40) Melissa Lima (Jose) [TKO] Rd. 1: #9 A. Rickter 59% to 41%
41) Carly Zucker (Joe Cole) [KO] Rd. 2: #1 I. Vandebosch 77% to 23%
42) Pamela Anderson (David Binn) [KO] Rd. 1: #7 J. Paterson 70% to 30%
43) Sonya Toms (David) [KO] Rd. 1: #6 L. Dergan 84% to 16%
44) Cynthia Rodriguez (Alex) [KO] Rd. 1: #5 W. Ford 87% to 13%
45) Jenna Jameson (Tito Ortiz) [TKO] Rd. 1: #4 A. Judd 62% to 38%
46) Bridgette Wilson (Pete Sampras) [KO] Rd. 1: #3 E. Nordegren 72% to 28%
47) Jennie Finch (Casey Daigle) [TKO] Rd. 1: #2 G. Bundchen 58% to 42%
48) Elisabeth Hasselbeck (Tim) [KO] Rd. 1: #1 I. Vandebosch 70% to 30%

(Hint: If you want to see more of them, click on their link above or do a Google search on them. Fair warning though, some of these women's Google searches will be NSFW.)

Good Stuff ...

2007-10-24T11:55:00.000-05:00

VICK HALLOWEEN DISPLAY RAISING HELL WITH RESIDENTS (SPORTSbyBROOKS)
Michael Vick was spotted hanging around a Tennessee home recently, and the neighbors aren't too happy about it.

Tony Romo and Sophia Bush Now? (Larry Brown Sports)
It sounds like the two are an item.

Is Field Hockey More Important than Drinking Water and Life? The Answer has Always Been Yes (The Angry T)
The administrators of Duke and UNC have that unbelievably difficult decision in front of them.

Blogger Involved In Illegal Gambling Ring, Feds Crash Party (Big Ten Tailgate)
Police have busted a gambling ring featuring poker and sports betting and the best part of the story is how the morons blogged about the activity.

Destiny is About to Get Swept
It was essentially pre-determined that the National League wasn't going to be favored this year...or any year for that matter in quite a while.

Inside Vegas: World Series Edition (Vegas Watch)
Obviously, the Red Sox are huge favorites.

IT BEGINS....2007 WORLD SERIES (Epic Carnival)
Finally the time has come to find out who the best team in all of baseball is.

My Halloween Costume

2007-10-24T10:52:00.000-05:00

Hey, if wearing it means that Michigan State co-eds will grab your junk, I'm your buckeye.

(Hat Tip: Big Ten Tailgate)

Boy Eats Soccer Ball

2007-10-24T10:13:00.000-05:00

The sequel to Little Girl Eats Soccer Ball is out! (Video courtesy Simon on Sports)

http://view.break.com/386563 - Watch more free videos

Packers Fan Gets Owned By A Cowboys Fan

2007-10-24T09:13:00.001-05:00

This Packers fan is minding his own business, watching the Pack versus the Cowboys, when the evil Cowboys fan throws a chair at him. And not a folding chair, an office chair! Not that I mind. Not a big fan of the Packers. I just wish he had gotten up and dropped the Cowboys fan too. (Video courtesy Shoutfan)

The Constant Variety Of Sports: 16.7% Gettin' Around

2007-10-23T15:35:00.000-05:00

Roush tells Edwards, Kenseth to settle matters off the track (ESPN)
Carl Edwards got into a heated confrontation with teammate Matt Kenseth on camera while Kenseth was about to be interviewed on the Speed Channel near the Turn 4 tunnel following Sunday's race.

Child support, bankruptcy trail former NBA player Caffey (Press Register)
Four years and tens of millions of dollars after his NBA career ended, Mobile native Jason Caffey is in bankruptcy court seeking protection from creditors, who include seven women with whom he has had eight children.

One of two men accused in Duquesne shooting pleads guilty (AP)
One of two men accused of shooting at five Duquesne University basketball players after a school dance pleaded guilty to attempted homicide and other counts Tuesday.

Another fine day for Wilfork (Globe)
The league confirmed yesterday that it fined Vince Wilfork $5,000 for unnecessary roughness, stemming from a play during the second quarter of New England's 48-27 win over Dallas last Sunday.

Marshall arrested on DUI suspicion (AP)
Denver Broncos wide receiver Brandon Marshall was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence early Monday.

Terrell charged with assaulting wife in Houston-area hotel (AP)
St. Louis Rams offensive lineman Claude Terrell was arrested on charges of assaulting his wife at a suburban Houston hotel early Tuesday morning.

I Think I Just Threw Up In My Mouth A Little

2007-10-23T15:05:00.000-05:00

(Hat Tip: The Big Lead)

I Got Nothin' ... Enjoy This Fight

2007-10-23T14:44:00.001-05:00

Watch as a guy gets his ass handed to him by his girlfriend. Hopefully someone famous will do something stupid, funny, or illegal tomorrow so we can post about it.

Guy Gets Beat up By Girlfriend - Watch more free videos

The Five Unsexiest Women Alive?

2007-10-23T13:58:00.000-05:00

On the heels of that Amanda Bynes post, I am now going to snap you back into reality. Maxim recently published their choices for the five unsexiest women alive. Let's see if we agree or disagree and if we have any suggestions, shall we?

5. Britney Spears - Well, she used to be sexy.

4. Madonna - Ditto ... like 100 years ago.

3. Sandra Oh - Oh my, yes.

2. Amy Winehouse - Yep. Beat with a fugly stick.

and drumroll please....

1. Sarah Jessica Parker. Neiiiigh.
I'm still trying to figure out how she was the star of Sex in the City.

So who is missing? Courtney Love? Calista Flockhart? Hilary Clinton? Melanie Griffith? Paris Hilton? Nicole Richie? Tori Spelling? I'd say they all qualify as super-unsexy. I mean, I wouldn't let my weaz within 100 yards of them. He'd detach himself and hail a cab if I did.

Amanda Bynes Has Some White Stuff On Her Lip

2007-10-23T13:12:00.000-05:00

Big ups to Blog of Hilarity for bring this ad to my attention. Let your depraved male minds go to work on what that stuff is on her mouth and how it got there. (Ignore the "words" on the page. It helps.)

Good Stuff ...

2007-10-23T11:51:00.000-05:00

BOSTON AUTHORITIES HAVE EASED UP A BIT (Epic Carnival)
Break the law? Tell your mommy and write me an essay!

In Honor of Midway's New Beer Pong Game for Nintendo Wii, The Angry T Presents "EA Sports College 2008" (The Angry T)
This game might sell 100 million copies if it is ever produced.

Eva Longoria Now A Parker (Expo Say)
She will now be referred to as Eva Longoria Parker.

The Curse of Being A Fan (Six Pack Sports Report)
Do any of you have rituals that you go through because you think it helps the team?

The Manliest (Dlisted)
AskMen.com named David Beckham the Manliest Man of the Year.

More Proof Iowa State Fans Not Sharpest Tools In Shed (Big Ten Tailgate)
If your team is going to suck you might as well have fun supporting their sorry asses.

ROCKIES' OFFICE NEEDS TO CHECK WITH SbB MORE OFTEN (SPORTSbyBROOKS)
SbB warned about the Rockies ticket sales Web site crashing.

Book Me Two Tickets To Happy Valley Pronto

2007-10-23T11:22:00.000-05:00

I really think that the folks at Penn State should use this quote for their tourism efforts.

��The number of comfort stations being provided currently is woefully inadequate from a health and safety standpoint,�� [College Township Manager Adam] Brumbaugh��s letter says. ��The handful of comfort stations in the parking lots are, quite literally, full and overflowing with human waste creating untold potential health and safety problems for PSU football patrons and, ultimately, the general public.��

Man, I want to tailgate in that parking lot!

Brumbaugh said Thursday that the township counted 339 portable toilets around Beaver Stadium within the township on Oct. 2. He said the State College Health Department, which provides services to the township, estimated that 100,000 people over a 10-hour period would require 957 portable toilets.

339 ... 957 ... that's close.

Here's some more fun facts:

7,000.

Average number of gallons of sewage pumped from the portable toilets after a game at Beaver Stadium.

18,000.

Number of gallons pumped after the Sept. 8 Notre Dame game (a stadium record).

Hey, a new record! That should be in the brochure too.

(For a different, i.e. probably better, take on this, click here.)

(Daily Times)