The Spider Man Series: Best Villians in Sports

Hello, leaf lovers. It's Ted again, the primary author of A Price Above Bip Roberts - I'm tired of hyperlinking it, so find it if you feel so inclined - and the weekend guy over here. We've got some legs left on this whole Spider Man series, because, well, Spider Man later tonight will probably be coronated as the highest single-grossing weekend ever, and thus we figure we might as well keep it relevant.

This Spider Man version - No. 3 - has THREE villians, which is pretty sweet for any superhero film. In this one, although I haven't seen it, I believe the bad guys to be Venom (Topher Grace), Sandman (Thomas Haden Church), and someone played by James Franco, who looks more and more like a young Marlon Brando every day.

In sports, there's been a few villians too. Here's a sampling:

Marge Schott

Schottsie purportedly called Eric Davis and Dave Parker "million dollar n*ggers." Never one to discriminate against just one race, she also claimed that "sneaky goddamn Jews are all alike." Want to hit the trifecta with the dog-toting Reds owner? Check this one: "My players shouldn't wear earrings because only fruits wear earrings."

George Steinbrenner

The Steinbrenner as a villian thing gets more overrated the longer you work in a corporate environment. Really, he's just a massive asshole boss, which are the types of bosses that are often the most successful. You can't really argue with "The Boss." Even though everyone fears the "meeting in Tampa Monday" e-mail, he's got six World Championships in about 25-30 years of ownership, including an unprecedented run of dominance in the late 1990s. Because he hasn't been as successful since that whole Luis Gonzalez bloop single business, it's OK to call him an asshole, and thus a villian.

John Rocker

Here's all ya need to know: "New York? It's the most hectic, nerve-racking city. Imagine having to take the 7 Train to the ballpark, looking like you're riding through Beirut next to some kid with purple hair, next to some queer with AIDS, right next to some dude who just got out of jail for the fourth time, next to some 20 year old om with 4 kids. It's depressing." He was referencing a city that people often work their entire lives for a chance to live in. Later, he called Bud Selig "a scared little man."

Todd Bertuzzi

Most of you are likely familiar with the Steve Moore incident, but basically, Bertuzzi attempted to retaliate for an earlier situation between his Canucks and the Avalanche, and ended up grabbing a dude 45 pounds lighter than him (Moore), holding him by the jersey, and punching him in the side of the head, essentially paralyzing him. They are attempting to settle the lawsuit out of court. For his part, Bertuzzi claims he's not a "mean spirited person." Right. He has a Boxer dog named Cash. No normal person does that.

Tonya Harding

Forget the sex video for a second, which was basically a crime against all humanity. What often gets glossed over about Harding in the aftermath of everything she's done in the past 12-15 years is this: she hired a dude to nail her competitor in the friggin' knee with a pipe. Do you know how messed up that is? She's literally bananas, and not in the Gwen Stefani way - in the "get thee to a nunnery" way.

Detroit Pistons Bad Boys Teams

People like to classify these fools as "villians," but we here see it differently. See, these guys are - in some ways - heroes. By being the way they were, they prevented MJ from scaling the mountaintop before he ultimately did, in 1991. That was the coolest part of basketball right after the Lakers and Celtics, and before the true MJ runs - watching him try to get there. If the Bad Boys hadn't been the Bad Boys, and had rolled over for Michael, the NBA would have been so goddamn boring from around 1987 to around 1998, it might have fallen into a similar void as the NHL. I mean, can you imagine the 1994 Stanley Cup Finals - that Vancouver vs. New York series where the curse ended - up against Jordan's 19th championship? Yawn. Click. NHL 4 Lfye. I love the Bad Boys. I'd say a more "villanous" team is those Bulls teams that won everything (then again, I did grow up in New York), or those goddamn Lakers teams led by a bigoted racist. Er, I might have taken that too far.

Drew Rosenhaus

He kind of just comes across like a pig. There's not much more that can be said. He also represents Terrell Owens, who held a city - a city without a major sports title in decades, mind you - hostage for an entire season when, had he played, he might have helped them finally win a goddamn thing. Who cares that he saved that kid from drowning? Lest we forget, he also pretended to call Willis McGahee at that NFL Draft to make other people try and get him. D-bag.

Again, 'tis a partial list. Feel free to author other thoughts.