Your 2016 Chicago Olympic Committee
Since Chicago won the right to represent the U.S. in the contest to host the 2016 Olympics, we have been giving a lot of thought as to who the city needs on their committee to really impress the IOC. After much deliberation and several Tsingtao beers (in honor of upcoming Olympic host China), we have come up with what we feel are the right citizens of Chicago to assist in securing the honor to hold the Games in the Windy City.
The first thing Chicago has going for it is that we have the perfect guy to introduce each country as they enter during the opening ceremonies: Ronnie Woo-Woo. Can you picture/hear it? "Argentina! Woo! Armenia! Woo! Aruba! Woo!"
Once all the competitors are in the building and the ceremonies are winding down, and it's time for the final torch-bearer to enter, we'll have Bulls announcer Johnny "Red" Kerr get on the mike and shout one of his trademarks, "Light the torch!"In charge of security at the games we have come up with some names that are sure to impress the IOC: Tank Johnson (in charge of weaponry), Jerry Springer (in charge of staffing), and Benny the Bull (in charge of crowd control).
We also know how the IOC likes its "perks", so we need to have Oprah on the committee so she can make sure that under each IOC member's chair are the keys to a brand new Lincoln.
In charge of entertainment and making sure the IOC members are always having a good time we have Rex Grossman, Kyle Orton, and Benny the Bull's cousin Da Bull.
Since Benny and Da Bull have already been assigned to other duties and each Olympics has to have a mascot, we have the perfect Chicago icon for the job: Bozo the Clown.Devin Hester will, of course, be in charge of all the music for the Games.
The public relations will be handled by Ozzie Guillen and Lou Pinella, since they are both bilingual and so media savvy.
Chicago's own Rick Telander will be the official scribe of the Games. He can report on how college coaches are making too much money. It will have nothing to do with the Games, but it's just that important.
As for the telecasts of the Games, we'll have our booth filled with Ken "Hawk" Harrelson, Darrin Jackson, and Ron Santo. Impressive? Yessssss! We'll have Hawk and D.J. making their "Picks to Click" for every event, while Ronnie can lose the "Attendance Game" and whine about it at every venue.And if all else fails, and the IOC still isn't sure about whether Chicago should get the games, we've got our secret weapon: Jesse Jackson. Jesse can sell ice to an Eskimo, so convincing the IOC that Chicago is the right choice should be a minor assignment for him.
And finally, we bet you're wondering who is going to light the torch should Chicago be fortunate enough to get the games?
Do you really have to ask?
"It's the Olympics, gang."
6 comment(s):
You ripped this off of last Tuesday's "Boers and Bernstein". To a T. Original.
Actually what I did, was hear of a funny concept from a friend and ran with it. Are you related to them? Why the anger?
In the interest of full disclosure and because I don't like being accused of stealing someone's idea, I did some checking with the friend who gave me the idea for this post. When he told me about it this past week, it was in the context of him telling me that he thought that Red Kerr would be great for opening the ceremonies with his "Light the torch!" catchphrase. My friend then went on to name several other Chicagoans who he thought would be good representatives for the city's Olympic bid.
So after the earlier comment, I called him and asked him if he came up with that idea or did he hear it somewhere else? He said he did in fact hear something like it on the radio and that he thought it was funny and relayed it to me with no idea I would write a blog post about it.
I remembered some of the names he mentioned and we laughed about like Ronnie Woo-Woo, Oprah, Tank Johnson, Rick Telander, Jesse Jackson, and the aforementioned Kerr, and some of the concepts we talked about as to who should be representing the city in what capacity, but I wrote the piece strictly based on my discussion with him along with my own ideas.
If you know Chicago, you know that coming up with the names that I did is not a difficult thing to do. Nor is coming up with the jokes surrounding them.
So if someone thinks I took the idea from a local radio show, I apologize. I guess indirectly I did, but with no knowledge that I was doing it at the time.
I can't believe I have to write all this for a stupid little thing like a blog post, but I do not ever want to be considered a thief like Colin Cowherd. How ironic that someone would accuse a blog of stealing from a radio show, huh?
You broke an unwritten rule by leaving Bob Brenly off of your announcing team.
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