Yet Another Riveting Episode Of Dear Jenn

Guess who's back?! The Sterj must be workin' overtime because she just filed her travel report last week. Seriously, who are these people who are desperate or pathetic enough to actually take the time to write to Miss Sterger for advice on anything? America, you're really disappointing me. (My comments are in italics, in case you couldn't figure that out on your own.)

Cowgirl answers your questions (SI)

Jenn, what did you think of Wisconsin? Would you admit that us Badgers party way better than you Seminoles? And where is your next stop on the Road Trip excursion?
-- Michael, Madison, Wisc.

For those of you who couldn't tell from the Road Trip video, I don't think the temperatures ever rose above freezing -- something this Florida girl was not happy about.

Bitching about the weather again. We're off to a good start.

I will hand it to you guys though; you certainly know how to party. Whether or not you truly compete with my alma mater is a different story. Maybe I'm biased because we can have pool parties in December in Florida.

Little known fact, it's warmer in Florida than it is in Wisconsin.

What do you think Greg Oden and Kevin Durant should do? As a college student, you can offer an interesting perspective. While big money awaits both players, should they really give up on the "college experience" after one year? What advice would you give them?
-- Seth R., Ashland, Kan.

Seth R., please turn in you college basketball fan card at the front desk. It has been revoked. No self-respecting college basketball fan gives a rat's ass what Jenn Sterger's opinion is on this topic. Nonetheless, the question was asked, let's go to the answer.

Honestly, there are few experiences that can fully prepare you for all of life's challenges like college does -- when college is "done" properly.

Please, Jenn, expound on what it means to "do college properly." Does it involve getting fake boobs and wearing skimpy clothes in an effort to get on national television so you can get a dream job that you are totally unqualified for?

Most college athletes want to play their sport professionally, so it seems being able to leave college early, and enter the draft at a young age is a natural decision. Consider it like a "fast pass" at a theme park: you skip the line, all the BS that entails, you get to go straight to the front, and the ride begins. If I were these kids, I would be thinking the same thing. College will always be there, and there will always be opportunities to learn.

Jenn, you didn't tell us what "doing college properly" means. I feel so lost now. The being able to become a professional athlete-"fast pass" at a theme park analogy more than makes up for it though. Consider us unsurprised by the fact that you would jump at the chance to make quick money.

Just wanted to say you do great work and I enjoy reading your thoughts and opinions. I recently got engaged and my fiancee is all excited about setting a date. She went through horoscopes and other superstitions and has come up with random dates for us to get married. Is it wrong that I'm not nearly as excited about finding the perfect date for the wedding, cosmically or otherwise, as she is?
-- Brandon, Broomfield, Col.

Add Brandon to the list that includes Trey and Jarred as a guy who should never be allowed to marry or have a girlfriend again if they really think asking The Sterj for relationship advice is a good idea.

Your wedding is about your feelings for one another, not the stars. If she feels strongly about these types of things, you have to wonder what will happen if she wakes up one day and the newspaper says, "Divorce That Chump, Immediately!" Does that mean she'll up and end things just because Jupiter says so? If so, she is in for a rude awakening because I doubt there is a check box to cite "Astrological Disaster" under reasons for a failed marriage.

Oh boy. Brandon, if you're out there, please find some sense and do whatever the hell you want to do and don't listen to this gobbledygook. Of course, if you had any sense to begin with, the question would never have been asked in the first place.

In your last mailbag, you said you were in a competitive fantasy baseball league. Have you had your draft yet? Mine is in two weeks. Who are some sleepers you recommend drafting?
-- Jason, Fort Lauderdale, Fla.

Someone please come here and remove Jason's nuts. He obviously has no use for them.

My fantasy league is in week 1,823,124,235,234,622 of its draft. Just kidding.

What does that even mean? That it takes too long and is boring? That you really don't enjoy the best part of the fantasy baseball season -- the draft. I'm purely speculating because there is no reference to why she said this in the article.

When it comes to picking my fantasy teams I rely on my boys Will Carroll and Co. at Baseball Prospectus to help me out.

By her "boys" does she mean the guys who are nice to her because they think that they might someday be able to get in the sack with her if they pretend to want to talk sports with her? (That's just my guess. Maybe they "really do" like her.)

Per their guidance, the sleepers I am looking at this season: second baseman Ian Kinsler and pitcher Chris Young. Kinsler is often forgotten about, despite his stellar rookie season. And Young is that mystery guy who no one in your league really knows about yet, but he'll torture them come the end of the season when he's not on their roster.

Quick everyone, write those names down. Because if you are in a fantasy league, we are sure you have never heard of these guys.

Alright, I've have had my fill. This freaking edition of the mailbag goes on forever for some reason. There's THREE MORE questions still to be dealt with, but I am out of patience. If you love stupidity, please feel free to read on. I'm out.

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As long as someone like Miss Sterger gets a slot to "write" at a prestigious (although less so now) publication like SI instead of an actual, you know, writer, we are going to make fun of it. We do not profess to be writers, but we do know one when we see one. Disclaimer: All of Jenn's blurbs were taken out of context, but were still as dumb as if they had been in context.